The 20 Worst Film Posters of 2009
These are, for me, the worst film posters from this past year in film. It is mostly subjective as to what I think is terrible either because it just annoys, angers or confuses me or because it is misrepresentative of the film. This is in order but it’s really wishy-washy. They could all essentially be switched around and still be pretty accurate.
20. Fired Up – Not only should a film like this not have a teaser poster to begin with but it’s as if the film knows it has nothing to offer.
19. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – This is pretty representative of the film. Logan screams into the sky like that at least four times. That being sad, it was terrible in the film and it is terrible on this poster.
18. Confessions of a Shopaholic – This is a bit biased; my unyielding hatred for this shit bag of a movie forced me to put a poster on the list if only to give me another opportunity to display my disdain once again. The poster is pretty dreadful though.
17. Extract – Wow. I get it. How clever. Ugh.
16. The Unborn – Not only are the graphics on this laughable but this poster is telling me that if I see this I will get a few butt shots and a kid who is supposed to get creepy but isn’t; can’t exactly claim interest on these counts.
15. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans – This is completely misrepresentative. The film is nothing like this, making it look like a mediocre to bad procedural drama.
14. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard – Nothing about this poster is particularly bad in its design. It’s not good but there has been much worse. The problem lies in the content. Jeremy Piven looking like as much of a douche bag as ever and what looks like the tagline for the film is actually part of the title, highlighting just low lame the title is in the first place.
13. My Bloody Valentine 3-D – If this were a ride then this would be a good poster. But no; this is a film and films being equated with rides are a terrible thing.
12. Whatever Works – This poster does a great job of capturing my facial expression after I finished watching this abomination. Larry David looks like he is apologizing to me. I reject his apology. The poster is so bad because it seems almost aware that the film has nothing to offer. It’s saying “this is what you’re going to get. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The poster is accurate but in terms of trying to sell your film this does a very bad job.
11. The Rebound – My main argument for this is: is there one person who would look at this poster and saying “I want to see that”.
10. A Christmas Carol – If ever there were an image that makes me think of Charles Dickens’ classic tale it would definitely have to be an old man flying in the sky looking like he just took the world’s biggest crap. Yes. This really does capture the beauty of Dickens. Except that it shows us the worst part of the film which in general fails on every level to capture anything about the story as it tries to top itself every second resulting in a convoluted mess.
9. How to Be – This is simultaneously terrible and best of the bunch. It’s the best because every time I look at it I crack up. I think this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. But it’s still a terrible poster.
8. Spinning into Butter – First of all; WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Spinning into Butter? SPINNING? INTO BUTTER? This has got to be the WORST film title. Ever. Second of all I can’t even believe this exists. It doesn’t look real. Third; look at this poster. What’s even going on? Broken glass? Sarah Jessica Parker’s huge head? A random portrait? This has everything; a terrible title, tagline, graphics and did I mention the title is SPINNING INTO BUTTER??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
7. Tyler Perry's I Can do Bad all by Myself – Normally this poster would have mildly annoyed me on the grounds that it’s Tyler Perry but this is an exception. When Tyler Perry has the nerve to blatantly rip off Peckinpah’s iconic Straw Dogs poster we have a problem; a serious serious problem.
6. Sorority Row – I can see what they were going for with this poster. It’s not a terrible idea and if it had succeeded it would have simply been a knock off of a DVD cover of "The L Word". Instead we are invited to look at six actresses who are all cross-eyed and look like none of them have ever had their pictures taken. The result ends up being unintentionally hilarious.
5. All About Steve – There’s nothing really to say about this. Nothing at all.
4. Labor Pains – This is just depressing. First off, it marks Lohan’s foray into the world of ABC Family. As if that was not bad enough the poster is embarrassing and about as obvious and uncreative as it gets.
3. My One and Only – Worst. Photo shopping. Ever. The placement of everyone is bad enough. Then the graphics are just…bafflingly poor. Finally, I have no guesses as to what this is even about.
2. Old Dogs – This is the DVD cover. What does any of this mean? It just has the two stars standing there and the Seth Green bit referring to a scene in the film but really not representing anything about the actual plot. Isn’t there a scene with John Travolta and penguins or something? It’s like if they took a still from that scene and plopped it on the DVD cover.
1. Motherhood – I just hate this. I hate it so much. I cannot even explain it. I just hate it. I wish I had a more thought out reason for this with it being number 1 and all. I don’t though. It’s terrible.
20. Fired Up – Not only should a film like this not have a teaser poster to begin with but it’s as if the film knows it has nothing to offer.
19. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – This is pretty representative of the film. Logan screams into the sky like that at least four times. That being sad, it was terrible in the film and it is terrible on this poster.
18. Confessions of a Shopaholic – This is a bit biased; my unyielding hatred for this shit bag of a movie forced me to put a poster on the list if only to give me another opportunity to display my disdain once again. The poster is pretty dreadful though.
17. Extract – Wow. I get it. How clever. Ugh.
16. The Unborn – Not only are the graphics on this laughable but this poster is telling me that if I see this I will get a few butt shots and a kid who is supposed to get creepy but isn’t; can’t exactly claim interest on these counts.
15. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans – This is completely misrepresentative. The film is nothing like this, making it look like a mediocre to bad procedural drama.
14. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard – Nothing about this poster is particularly bad in its design. It’s not good but there has been much worse. The problem lies in the content. Jeremy Piven looking like as much of a douche bag as ever and what looks like the tagline for the film is actually part of the title, highlighting just low lame the title is in the first place.
13. My Bloody Valentine 3-D – If this were a ride then this would be a good poster. But no; this is a film and films being equated with rides are a terrible thing.
12. Whatever Works – This poster does a great job of capturing my facial expression after I finished watching this abomination. Larry David looks like he is apologizing to me. I reject his apology. The poster is so bad because it seems almost aware that the film has nothing to offer. It’s saying “this is what you’re going to get. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The poster is accurate but in terms of trying to sell your film this does a very bad job.
11. The Rebound – My main argument for this is: is there one person who would look at this poster and saying “I want to see that”.
10. A Christmas Carol – If ever there were an image that makes me think of Charles Dickens’ classic tale it would definitely have to be an old man flying in the sky looking like he just took the world’s biggest crap. Yes. This really does capture the beauty of Dickens. Except that it shows us the worst part of the film which in general fails on every level to capture anything about the story as it tries to top itself every second resulting in a convoluted mess.
9. How to Be – This is simultaneously terrible and best of the bunch. It’s the best because every time I look at it I crack up. I think this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. But it’s still a terrible poster.
8. Spinning into Butter – First of all; WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Spinning into Butter? SPINNING? INTO BUTTER? This has got to be the WORST film title. Ever. Second of all I can’t even believe this exists. It doesn’t look real. Third; look at this poster. What’s even going on? Broken glass? Sarah Jessica Parker’s huge head? A random portrait? This has everything; a terrible title, tagline, graphics and did I mention the title is SPINNING INTO BUTTER??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
7. Tyler Perry's I Can do Bad all by Myself – Normally this poster would have mildly annoyed me on the grounds that it’s Tyler Perry but this is an exception. When Tyler Perry has the nerve to blatantly rip off Peckinpah’s iconic Straw Dogs poster we have a problem; a serious serious problem.
6. Sorority Row – I can see what they were going for with this poster. It’s not a terrible idea and if it had succeeded it would have simply been a knock off of a DVD cover of "The L Word". Instead we are invited to look at six actresses who are all cross-eyed and look like none of them have ever had their pictures taken. The result ends up being unintentionally hilarious.
5. All About Steve – There’s nothing really to say about this. Nothing at all.
4. Labor Pains – This is just depressing. First off, it marks Lohan’s foray into the world of ABC Family. As if that was not bad enough the poster is embarrassing and about as obvious and uncreative as it gets.
3. My One and Only – Worst. Photo shopping. Ever. The placement of everyone is bad enough. Then the graphics are just…bafflingly poor. Finally, I have no guesses as to what this is even about.
2. Old Dogs – This is the DVD cover. What does any of this mean? It just has the two stars standing there and the Seth Green bit referring to a scene in the film but really not representing anything about the actual plot. Isn’t there a scene with John Travolta and penguins or something? It’s like if they took a still from that scene and plopped it on the DVD cover.
1. Motherhood – I just hate this. I hate it so much. I cannot even explain it. I just hate it. I wish I had a more thought out reason for this with it being number 1 and all. I don’t though. It’s terrible.
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How to Be- "Why, What's the significance? I don't know!"
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it's mom, i can't remember my clever log in name ahahahahahahah