Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th (2009): 1.5/10
I give this film a 1.8 because technically the film looks pretty nice and is well made. Though the difference between a technically well made film and a good film are huge and this film sucks. I knew this going in. I had hoped for a sliver of good here and besides Amanda Righetti's impressive performance considering the material she is working with (she basically has to scream the entire movie) there is nothing of interest here.
Let me just say that I do not like the original Friday the 13th at all. Maybe it is because I saw this, the fantastic Halloween and the even more incredible Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the first time on the same day. It is sort of the quintissential empty slasher film that thrives on sex scenes and a kill every 20 minutes. These types of films can be fun but Jason has never interested me. As Jason is now completely synonymous with Friday the 13th it means of course that he has to be in this "remake" with is just more of a reimagining really. The film opens with Mrs. Voorhees death which is how they explain switching her for Jason.
Jared Padalecki and Danielle Panabaker do a fine job here. They have nothing to work with. While I liked that there was no actual romance between these two actors, I think it can be directly linked to her frankly surprising death late into the film. This was the only moment that actually surprised me (there were two other moments where they managed to startle me a bit). To me though, the film was saying that because there was no real romantic attachment up to that point, the Panabaker character is therefore expendable. If Padalecki and her do not exist as a couple by the time things get going than she can die I guess. Which is ridiculous. And of course she is the girl that lasts the longest outside of Whitney (Amanda Righetti) whose sisterly role does form an attachment to Padalecki that the film wants to save (until the predicatable last few seconds of course). Panabaker gets to survive as long as she does because she spends the movie not engaging in sex, a horror trope that I cannot stand. Anyone having sex in this movie dies soon afterwards.
Of course this is what these movies thrive off of but it gets old after a while and honestly it is just another reason to show some tits. None of the nudity in this film became nearly as offensive, uncomfortable and demeaning as in the extended full nudity scene that would not end in the My Bloody Valentine remake from this year. Still though, this film wins the award for fake boobs as the girl who gets naked in the first group of people has easily the ugliest chest I have ever seen in my life. And then there is the topless water skiing scene??????????? And then there is the ridiculous extended sex scene that makes no sense whatsoever.
After seeing the film I now see the potential in that first 20 minutes that was completely squandered. The first 20 minutes is basically like a short version of an entire Jason film. They save the title of the film popping up for after the first 20 minutes. If the first part had been done well, this could have packed some punch. It was not done well though and while I like the idea of waiting so long for the title to appear, it was ultimately underwhelming because of the failure that is the first 20 minutes. None of it packed a punch. Instead of being a killer opening, it comes off as a way to get more kills, more nudity and to take up more time in the film.
The two parts that I found slightly effective involve the sleeping bag on fire and the death of the water skiiing girl.
I have to give a special shoutout to Travis van Winkle who plays Trent. This was easily the most entertaining part of the film. This guy was like a spoof of douchebag characters. He was so ridiculous; I was cracking up every time this guy opened his mouth. I'm pretty sure this special shoutout is backhanded. That is pretty much all the writing. What the hell do you do with some of these lines? "This is a family heirloom!" ahahahaahahahahahahahaha.
Marcus Nispel directed this film and he knows how to pay off certain suspenseful moments that he builds up throughout the film; he just does not know how to make an effective one. The film also relies entirely too much on music to amplify a scare that might not even have been scary without music being thrown into my ears on a regular basis. As I said tecnhically the film looks nice but it is just completely ineffective as a film outside of a couple of scares mostly brought on my music and one character death that did take me by surprise until I realized that the writer/s decided she was expendable due to not being able to form a solid romantic attachment. Real classy.
Friday the 13th is yet another reboot of a horror franchise and while I think there is actually room for improvement in this franchise or at least its original film, it squanders any oppurtunity it had and makes a wholly lame mess.
Horrorphile